|<< Previous||Articles: 1-10 , 11-20 , 21-30 , 31-40 , 41-50 , 51-60 ,||Next >>|
Women make excellent Bros. Why? Because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the Chick Code.
DO CHICKS REALLY HAVE THEIR OWN CODE?
Yes, I’m afraid so. One morning, before slipping out the door wile my hostess was in the shower, I happened upon a copy of the rumoured tome. I didn’t have time to flip must past the pink bedazzled cover, but here are some of the phases I remember seeing on the frilly pages within:
• A chick shall not sleep with another chick’s ex-boyfriend, unless she does.
• A chick never pays for anything. Ever.
• If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.
• If a chick hears a chick-empowering song like “I Will Survive,” she shall stop whatever she’s doing, grab another chick’s hand, and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.
• A chick may get a dog as a pet, but only if it fits in her mailbox.
• If two chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to accidentally spill a drink on the other.
• A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner.
• A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.
Corollary: A Bro with a coat of fur on his back keeps that thing covered at all times, even at a resort pool or the beach. Sorry, Bro.
A Bro must, in timely manner, communicate the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety (henceforth "girl fight"), in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation. A "timely manner" is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, carrier pigeons, fiber optics, shouting, postcards, and telepathy. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video, or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.